Starting Over


So, as a lot of people know I’m a mom and workaholic. I use it sometimes

as an excuse at times to not make connections because it’s scary out in the world.

Sometimes you ask yourself will people like ME. When I’m mom, I’m loved and liked

for being goofy but protector and provider. As “Raven”, I’m the go to person for

ideas or help with situations. No, one ever gets to know ME because I hide that part

of myself. My track record isn’t the best with opening up to people and them staying

in my life. So, after my mom’s death, I knew this needed to change because I realized

I didn’t have anyone other than online friends to help me. I got virtual hugs and trust me

that was very well needed but I felt “alone”. So, that’s when I decided to take that step

to start letting my walls down and let people in.

So, driving to this event my heart is racing. I’m thinking of my mom and wishing she was

there to give me words of encouragement. Wondering how the hell am I supposed to act

with PEOPLE I have been so detached from real human interaction. So, I get there and

honestly I was nervous to walk through the door. Lol, I had to talk to my good friends

ONLINE Jasmine and Katherine and they gave me encouragement to walk through the door.

The host for the event was there and you have to sign to actually know you showed up. It

seemed like everyone knew each other and I felt so out of place. It was a billards event

and yet no one was playing pool. So, doing what I usually do, I start playing by myself.

Ya’ll, it was so bad there was one girl that said I can play with you and I said no I’m fine.

HA HA HA, that’s how closed off I was but after seeing the same girl and the guy talking

by the pool table, I said I need to open up so I decided to join in their conversation. The

guy reminded me of Nick Kroll but older and he was very sweet and the girl was so nice

but she hadn’t did anything like this. This was her 4th event and she was just trying to

get out and make friends. So, me and Cindy (I remember her name) talked and got to

know each other and we laughed about how it felt cliqueish but we were having fun.

She didn’t know how to play pool so I started teaching her some of the things I knew.

So, there was a ping pong table and my family knows I love playing but this guy that

was on the table was so aggressive and one of his shots hit my titty. Everyone laughed

and it didn’t bother me but I don’t want to be remembered by that. So, some people

came up and introduced themselves. And we started talking and it was really nice

because it took the pressure off of being the new person. I even played pool and won

on a technicality because Phoebe (the girl I played) was freaking good and she had me

by 2 balls. Which I learned I need to play pool again and get back on my game. Even

Andy who reminded me of Nick Kroll told me stories of a pool shark that he used to know.

As far as love or potential hookups. There was OMG handsome guy but he already found

a connection with this girl. There was another that I would see catch glances at me but

he didn’t come over and honestly I was so nervous I didn’t say anything either. If it’s

meant to be then I will see this person again and hopefully get the nerve up to talk to him.

So, towards the end of the night as I was saying goodbye to everyone, Phoebe asked me

for my phone number and asked if I was going to the Crawfish Boil this Saturday. I honestly

didn’t have any plans but sit at home so I was said “I don’t know if I am or not.” LOL, so Phoebe

told me that Andy and her would be there as she probably felt I wouldn’t go if I didn’t know anyone

which probably would’ve been the case. So, I decided to go.

So, I know that I need to get out of my comfort zone. Sometimes you have to do things that you’ve

never done to get different results that you haven’t achieved yet. So, ya’ll are going to be on this

journey with me as I’m finding myself and maybe these stories will help someone get out of their

comfort zone and take a chance on people again. We can be closed off for so long, we don’t realize

how much we wanted interaction with people until we do it. So, take a chance because you don’t know what can happen.

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